World's Worst Captain

On June 15th I will be taking the day off to take boat driving lessons. I retained a boat driving instructor to teach me how to park and other tight manoeuvring. I'm in my 3rd year and I have not fully mastered parking. I have really only driven 1 1/2 years as I'm starting year 3 and I missed half of last season. I'm hoping this 5-hour course will help. I may even take a second lesson later in the season.

I left the cube world behind last month and was given an office at the workplace. My last words to my former cube mates was to tell them "I better not hear you badmouth the company". "But D'Arcy you were the worst at badmouthing the company". "Don't be like me".

I have a direct view into the Victoria Secret store from my office in the atrium of the Mall. My probation officer told me that a view from my office window does not violate the terms of my lifetime ban from Victoria Secret. I don't want to get into it but there were allegations of loitering or similar behaviour. When I was a kid it was called standing around. I don't know when they criminalised it?

I wrote to the developers of my new condo to complain about how slow the construction progress has been. I bought into the project in 2011. They are working on the 8th floor of a 42 storey building. At this pace they will finish the condo in 18-years. I have emailed them at least 6 times without a response. This time they responded only to have them claim that they have contacted me numerous times. A bold faced lie.

For 7-years I have dutifully lined up at the Second Cup coffee shop at the Mall every weekday morning. I have quietly ordered the same large dark coffee. I have never uttered a word of complaint. Last week I flashed my coffee loyalty card, which I recently started using, at the card reader. Apparently I flashed the card too soon. The store manger yelled at me to calm down. Her response even amused the guy standing in front of me. I'm now boycotting Second Cup. I'm not sure this lady has any clue how offencive it is to yell "calm down" to someone that hasn't spoken. The Soup Nazi would not have taken issue with anything that I did in that line.

I will be taking photos of how the local dogs have destroyed my condo lawn. Let's just pave over the lawn. Re-sodding it every year is a waste of time and money.