Let's Take Back Our Parks

I'm calling on the silent majority of Torontonians, that do not own a dog, to rise up and take back our parks from dog owners.

Yesterday I was returning home from the local Tim Horton's with a cup of Joe, walking without malice or rancour, when I was verbally assaulted by a large brown Lab. The dog was tied tightly on a  short leash to a railing. Without warning, or provocation, the dog loudly and aggressively barked at me. I thought briefly and seriously of giving the dog a quick kick to the underside. That would have been a fair and justified lesson to the dog to blame its owner, not strangers, for being tied up in the cold.

Dogs are dumb and loyal to a fault to their owners. I'm not an expert but I would rate them just below sheep in animal IQ. I don't tie up animals to fence posts, in the freezing cold, while I sit idly in a warm restaurant. Dogs refuse to blame their owners so they lash out at other humans. It's my fault that your owner is a heartless prick.

I'm not allowed to own a dog in Toronto. Only assholes are granted dog licenses. Now this is anecdotal evidence because I'm not aware of the actual law, but I have never seen a dog owner that was not an entitled asshole in the city. It would be too much of a coincidence if there was not an actual law.

I live in the west end of downtown Toronto, near Stanley Park. The city paid around $250,000 to construct an off-leash dog enclosure in the park. Dog owners do not pay extra taxes, this money comes from general revenue. Would it make sense for dog owners to pay let's say $100 a year for each animal for constructing off leash parks and general dog shit removal? Sure, but dog owners are an entitled bunch and if they had their way, would have the rest of us pay them to raise their dogs. Dog owners would have you locked indoors and only come out on occasion to buy milk and beans.

If you told a dog owner that they should use the off-leash enclosure when their dog romps around a city park, they would laugh in your face. The entire park is off-leash to them. In fact all city parks, my condo lawn, sidewalks and anywhere outdoors is an off-leash area. I was walking down King St yesterday and menacing off-leash dog was growling at strangers while its owner was rooting through his SUV. Bystanders were clearly intimidated and the dog owner was oblivious.

I'm not going to kick your dog, but I am taking back my park. I'm proposing that non-dog owners in Toronto join me in my crusade. Let's start by making the off-leash enclosure at Stanley Park a Frisbee Golf course. I'm open to other ideas. Let's then take this revolution citywide.